The counselling relationship

The relationship with your counsellor is all important

There are over 450 therapeutic approaches so it can be difficult to be sure that the approach a counsellor uses is the right one for you.

Whichever approach your counsellor uses, all the research evidence suggests that what is going to be the most important factor in counselling is how you feel about the relationship with your counsellor. If the relationship feels comfortable for you and you feel that you are able to trust them then it is much more likely that any work that you do is going to be effective.

All sorts of factors will influence your relationship with your counsellor, some of which you will be aware of and some of which you won’t.

For example, if your counsellor looks a little like the boss who might be bullying you or somebody you knew in the past who gave you a bad time, then even at the first meeting you may have some unconscious sense of this leaving you feeling uneasy and dis-inclined towards your counsellor, probably not even knowing why.

It’s quite natural to feel like this. When we first meet people we have to make a quick judgment about whether they are likely to be of danger to us before it’s too late. It doesn’t mean that you are a judgmental person, it’s the result of millions of years of evolution and it's an ability that's kept us safe and alive.  Sometimes our initial judgment is wrong but that's acceptable; we're still alive and physically and emotionally safe.

If you do have the feeling and you can be aware of it, if you can ‘catch’ it, then you can take the power away from it and your relationship with your counsellor can begin to feel comfortable and it needn’t be a problem.

I believe that it’s important that you have the opportunity to check out how you’d feel about working with me and about my approach without committing your time and money before you are ready.

To make it easier for you to do this I offer a free initial session of 30 minutes. If, during this time, you don’t get the right feelings then of course you are free to leave. You don’t have to explain why and you don’t have to pay anything.

If you decide to stay for the full 50 minutes then I will charge you the full fee for my time but it’s also okay just to have the initial 30 minutes and then come back for further paid sessions. You can choose.